Asking for help does not mean we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence. -Anne Wilson Schaef
I fell hard. Landing upon a pile of slimy rocks with 50-degree mountain run-off rushing up to my waist, I tried crossing a river barefoot and landed on my ass. Not my best decision. Invigorating on one hand, a bruise to the ego (and butt) on the other. My friend, smartly wearing his shoes, tried offering a hand and I didn’t take it. For some reason, rather than accept help, I’d rather look like a character out of a bad Three Stooges skit, flopping around in the water trying to maintain some sense that I was keeping it together.
After sending my friend away, I independently clawed my way onto the large, dry rocks, and spent some time drying out. After almost an hour, we had to leave by crossing the stream… and my shoes were on the bank. In my mind I was determined to try this jaunt solo again. Some of us learn the hard way. I sat on a rock and buried my feet deep into the algae cover rocks unwavering in my attempt to find a way to cross without falling and without asking for help. I could not find stable footing to stand and cross to the bank. I tried for a few more moments until the thought of hiking in wet pants and terrible chaffing prompted me to ask my friend for a hand. I couldn’t do this one alone and knew I needed to ask for help.
Later that evening my friend kindly stated, “Just an observation. You’re not very good at asking for help.” Clearly. Sometimes we all need a friend to give voice to what we already know and extend a helping hand. When I was crossing the river, the only person I was letting down or hurting by not asking for help was myself.
I think there is something in many of us that believes the more we rely on others the more we appear vulnerable. There is a fear that if we are vulnerable, there is a chance of getting hurt, being judged, being let down, or letting others down. In truth, asking for help creates a sense of empowerment. When we can communicate to others that we may not have the answers or know how to do something, we are sharing the gift of our authentic self with our friends, family, and co-workers. We are showing that we are open enough to seek out answers and accept support from others. When we can accept help from others it demonstrates a sense of confidence that we don’t need to know how to do everything to be good enough.
In the balance of life, when we can receive, we are better able to give knowing, without judgment that we all need help from time to time. Sometimes we’re on the giving end. Sometimes we’re on the receiving end. It’s part of life.
The next time you feel struggle in your life (maybe you need help carrying the groceries, you need someone to watch your kids for an hour, or you need to figure out how to put filters on your social media) challenge yourself to put a voice to what you need and ask for help. You’re giving others the chance to be helpful, you’re building a sense of self-empowerment, and you’ll be better equipped to assist when someone asks you for help.
